I’m Not Good but I Want to Be Great

Have you ever taken the time to notice how many of our responses to questions we are asked are pretty automatic?  We may be asked “How are You?” and our response is usually one of the following – I’m Fine/Fine/Pretty Good/I’m Good/Good/Doing Well, etc.  You get the idea.  Now, in a lot of social interactions these responses may be perfectly acceptable. I don’t believe someone we don’t know very well really wants to know how bad our day has been, or that a child has been ill, or that the washer overflowed, or the car battery died, or anything else that interrupted our otherwise normal day or week.

What got me to thinking about this was my response to a How are You Doing question the other day by a friend of mine.  When asked the question I automatically responded with “I’m Good”.  Well let me tell you God immediately opened my eyes in regards to that response .  I instantly realized no, I’m not actually good.  As a matter of fact, I’m struggling right now.

I’m struggling to be the Me God wants me to be.  I am running hard after God right now.  I’m praying for direction and for God to open doors.  I’m longing to really use the gifts He’s given me.  I want to know I’m on the right path and I need discernment.  I want to be a blessing to others, show God’s love,  and make a difference.  I come alive when I am interacting with people and bringing encouragement, hope, reassurance, etc.

I want to be bold.  And I want to be courageous.  Those two words actually strike a little bit of fear in me because I certainly don’t ever remember being bold or courageous growing up.  Either one would have meant that I took a risk, did something out of the norm, made waves or even a small ripple.  Gasp!

Well, as of right now I am ready to step outside of my little box that I’ve called home for a long time.  It’s been quite handy and very comfortable but sad to say it never allowed any room to find “Me”. I know that I built the box out of the home life I grew up in and in response to the “perfectionism” instilled in me.  I’ve actually dealt with quite a bit of sadness when the realization hit me on just how much I may have missed in not taking a risk to try something new or step outside my comfort zone.

I don’t know what path this journey I’m on will take me or how many curves, lane changes, or speed bumps I may encounter.  I’ve got to be willing to take a chance and step out in faith, completely trusting God to direct my steps.  I know He has all of this under control  As a matter of fact, I like to think that He’s smiling.  Smiling not only because He loves me, because I know He does and I feel it.  Smiling also because He is a proud father and one of his “kids” is striving to walk a path that will bring us closer together.

I want to bring my Father joy.  I want to be filled with joy every day knowing that I am trying to be the best I can be for Him and doing what I am designed to do.  I love the Psalms and I especially love Psalm 139. Below are a few verses that speak volumes to me right now.

Psalm 139:13-14 (NLT) –  You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother’s womb.  Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex!  Your workmanship is marvelous-how well I know it.

Psalm 139:16-18 (NLT) – You saw me before I was born.  Every day of my life was recorded in your book.  Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed.  How precious are your thoughts about me, O God.  They cannot be numbered!  I can’t even count them; they outnumber the grains of sand!  And when I wake up, you are still with me!

How glorious is this!  That my Heavenly Father had every moment of my life laid out before I ever existed.  He knows the struggles I’ve had and the path I’ve walked or strayed from to get to where I am today.  He knows I’m not perfect and that I will stumble and fall at times but He loves me anyway!

I just want to honor Him by using my gifts and talents to the best of my ability, showing His love in whatever way I can.

And yes, I want also to be bold and courageous in the process!

Psalm 139:14

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